Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Pop Music

I was in a sandwich shop today (christ, it's expensive to buy a sandwich these days - but that's another rant for another day) and so was forced to listen to the shite spewing out of their stereo for the enjoyment of their largely gormless clientele.

Radio 1 - ah, how lovely to see that even people with severe learning diffculties get gainful employment. Being able to string a sentence together with some vague stab at grammar is clearly not a prerequiste to be a DJ on this fine station. And the titbits of trivia and celebrity gossip that made up the "Headlines" in their news bulletin ("Take That are Number 1" came above "48 killed in Iraq") beggars belief.

Anyway - the first thing that struck me was that modern pop music has run out of ideas and so the retro thing is happening big time (it hit the rock and Indie world massively about 18 months ago so of course it will filter through to pop eventually). All well and good, but this means a throwback to the catchy singalong tunes, but also the mindlessly stupid lyrics of the 60's.

The worst culprit I found during my enforced half hour of lunch and auditory brain-melting was The Feeling and their charming little ditty "I Love It When You Call" (video clip in the "Sound And Vision" section here http://www.thefeeling.com/ ).

The lyrics are thus:

I love it when you call
I love it when you call
I love it when you call
But you never call, at all

Firstly - shit.

Secondly - lazy - it's easy to rhyme the first two lines when they are EXACTLY THE SAME. To then use it a third time and simply have a different one at the end that rhymes is very lazy indeed. More rhymes please. Fall, ball, hall, gall, tall, wall - there's lots of them.

Thirdly - what are you on about, you bell-ends? I love it when you call - but you never call (and in case you don't understand the concept of 'never' we will clarify further by adding) at all.

Really - how can one comment on the degree to which one enjoys something if one has never experienced the aforementioned something? If this unnamed person has never called you cannot tell me that you love it when they call.

Perhaps it is more akin to my attitude to having a threesome with my wife and Angelina Jolie and the lyrics should be more along the lines of...

Although you never call at all I'm fairly certain in my own mind that it would be absolutely f**king awesome if you did. So awesome, in fact, that I'm just nipping to the bathroom to have a really good think about it right now.

1 comment:

  1. One of my favourite quotes is from the songwriter Johnny Mercer: "I could eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics than these"